The Little Red Hen


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Below is a modern rewrite of The Little Red Hen a Golden Book classic.

Once upon a time, on a farm in Virginia , there was a little red Republican hen who scratched and scratched diligently about the barnyard until she uncovered quite a few grains of wheat. She called all of her Democrat farm animal neighbors together and said; ‘If we plant this wheat, we shall have bread to eat. Who will help me plant it?’

‘Not I,’ said the cow.
‘Not I,’ said the duck.
‘Not I,’ said the pig.
‘Not I,’ said the goose.

‘Then I will do it by myself,’ said the little red hen, and so she did.
The wheat grew very tall and ripened into golden grain. ‘Who will help me reap my wheat?’ asked the little red hen.

‘Not I’, said the duck.
‘Out of my classification’, said the pig.
‘I’d lose my seniority’, said the cow.
‘I’d lose my unemployment compensation’, said the goose.
‘Then I will do it by myself’ said the little red hen, and so she did.
At last it came time to bake the bread. ‘Who will help me bake the bread?’, asked the little red hen.

‘That would be overtime for me’ said the cow.
‘I’d lose my welfare benefits,’ said the duck.
‘I’m a dropout and never learned how,’ said the pig.
‘If I’m to be the only helper, that’s discrimination, ‘ said the goose.

‘Then I will do it by myself,’ said the little red hen.

She baked five loaves and held them up for all of her neighbors to see.

They wanted some and in fact, demanded a share. But the little red hen said, ‘No, I shall eat all five loaves.’

‘Excess profits!’ cried the cow. (Nancy Pelosi)
‘Capitalist leech!’ screamed the duck. (Barbara Boxer)
‘I demand equal rights!’ yelled the goose. (Jesse Jackson)
The pig just grunted in disdain. (Ted Kennedy)
And they all painted ‘Unfair!’ picket signs and marched around and around the little red hen, shouting obscenities.

Then Farmer Obama came along. He said to the little red hen; ‘You must not be so greedy.’

‘But I earned the bread,’ said the little red hen.

‘Exactly,’ said Barack the farmer. ‘That is what makes our free enterprise system so wonderful. Anyone in the barnyard can earn as much as he wants. But under our modern government regulations, the productive workers must divide the fruits of their labor with those who are ignorant, lazy and idle.’

And they all lived happily ever after, including the little red hen, who smiled and clucked, ‘I am grateful, for now I truly understand.’ She never again baked bread because she joined the other ‘party’ and got her bread free.

And all the Democrats smiled. ‘Fairness’ had been established. Individual initiative had died, but nobody noticed; perhaps no one cared…so long as there was free bread that ‘the rich’ were paying for. Â Author unknown.

Publishers note: If anyone knows who penned this parable please let me know so I can give proper credit.

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